February 23, 2003

Thousands of people – sceptics and faithful alike - are flocking to a small town near Sydney, Australia, in the hopes of witnessing a miracle. The target of their pilgrimage is the local MacDonald’s restaurant, where dozens have reportedly seen an apparition of the Virgin Mary.

“The burgers are bleeding!” a witness exclaimed. “I ordered a Big Mac and blood oozed out. Then, when I looked closer at the burger, I realised the cheese had melted to form the face of the Virgin Mary.”

Dozens have reported similar sightings, with the Virgin appearing on Quarter Pounders, Cheeseburgers and McFeasts.

“It’s fantastic, just unbelievable,” another emotional and teary-eyed resident said. “To me, this is proof that the Lord advocates a vegetarian lifestyle.”

Other residents said the sightings brought a message of peace as the world readied itself for war. A few even went so far as to suggest that the apparitions were a clear indication that the Lord supported the U.S. government’s stance on Iraq.

Alan Warblethong from nearby Coogee Beach remained sceptical. “It’s clearly a massive case of food poisoning,” he said. “These poor buggers have eaten a bad batch of beef and are hallucinating.”

His friend, Timbo Bong, was not so sure. “Bad beef can make you really sick, but I can’t understand why they’re seeing religious stuff. Wouldn’t you want to see Christina Aquilera’s buns instead?”

Workers at the MacDonald’s store would neither confirm or deny the visions, but agreed that Filet o’ Fish sales were going through the roof. “We’re thinking of releasing a Last Supper Combo Meal,” the store’s manager said. “In addition to a wholesome Filet o’ Christ, customers would receive a Blood of Christ Thickshake and a Judas Iscariot action figure.”

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