April 13, 2003

How many times have you come out of an argument wishing that you had said something smarter? Wishing that you could have come up with a suitable insult or witty riposte?

It's at moments like these that one should look to Iraqi's Minister of Misinformation, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, for inspiration. During the past few weeks, al-Sahaf has dazzled the world with his colorful and imaginative rhetoric. And even when coalition forces were storming Baghdad, al-Sahaf assured us that they were actually comitting "suicide by the hundreds."

So, to help those among us who lack al-Sahaf's gift of the gab, here are a few choice quotes to get you going. Oh, and we haven't doctored any of these. We couldn't have made them funnier if we tried!

Of Death, Suicide & Other Nasties

“Their forces committed suicide by the hundreds."

"We made them drink poison last night."

“They are beginning to commit suicide at the walls of Baghdad and I encourage them to increase the rate of suicide. Their columns are being killed in the hundreds at the walls of Baghdad. We have fed them hell and death.”

"We slaughtered them yesterday and we will continue to slaughter them."

"God will roast their stomachs in hell."

"They were surrounded and most of their infidels had their throats cut."

“Iraqi fighters in Umm Qasr are giving the hordes of American and British mercenaries the taste of definite death."

"I swear by God, those who are staying in Washington and London have thrown these mercenaries in a crematorium."

"Heavy doesn't accurately describe the level of casualties we have inflicted."

Of Soggy Places

“We have drawn them into a quagmire and they will never get out of it.”

"We will push those crooks, those mercenaries back into the swamp."

"When we were writing the literature and the mathematics , the grandfathers of Blair and little Bush were scratching around in caves."

Of Pencils and Shoes

“Those only deserve to be hit with shoes.”

"We will welcome them with bullets and shoes."

"They were received with bombs, shoes and bullets."

"They have started throwing those pencils, but they are not pencils, they are booby traps to kill the children."

And in Summation

"Saddam Hussein's soldiers and his great forces gave the Americans a lesson which will not be forgotten by history. Truly."

 

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